Harriette Cole is founder of an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. Send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com.

Dear Harriette: My sister and I have always been close, but lately our relationship has been feeling strained, and I think it has a lot to do with how she constantly compares our kids. Every time we’re together, she makes comments about how much more advanced her daughter is or how her son is better behaved. She’ll say things like, “Well, mine was already reading at that age,” or “Maybe you should try what we do, it seems to work.” Sometimes it’s subtle, but other times it feels downright competitive.

At first, I brushed off her comments because I thought she was just proud of her children and maybe didn’t realize how her words were coming across. Over time, it’s really started to wear on me. I find myself dreading family gatherings or holding back updates about my own kids because I know it will lead to some kind of comparison or judgment. I want to talk to my sister about it, but I’m afraid that if I bring it up, she’ll get defensive or accuse me of being overly sensitive. How can I ask her to stop making these comparisons? — Stop the Comparisons

Dear Stop the Comparisons: Were the two of you competitive when you were children? Is there any competition between you today? If so, consider what your life was like before and if any of this behavior is reminiscent of the past.

Either way, tell your sister you need to talk to her. Bring up your concerns. Describe what happens when you are together. Give her a couple of examples of how she talks about the children and how it makes you feel. Explain that you are beginning to feel uncomfortable talking about your children in her presence given how she engages around them. Ask her to stop with the comparisons and love the children for who they are.

Dear Harriette: My best friend, “Pam,” doesn’t believe in marriage. She grew up with single parents, and I think that had an impact on her view of long-term committed relationships. That’s fair. For as long as I’ve known her, though, she pokes fun at or bullies people who have more traditional values. That’s not fair.

A new friend of ours, “Amy,” who is younger and a tad impressionable, prefers to date with the goal of marriage and a family in mind. She dates only one person at a time and takes it seriously. The other day, Pam asked why Amy refuses to date more people and if she thinks subjecting herself to one person is what will change her life. Later, I told Pam that she’s way too critical of people’s choices when it comes to dating and marriage, and she did not take it well. How can I get through to her? — Strong Opinions

Dear Strong Opinions: Have a sit-down with Pam, and tell her you have bitten your tongue about this topic, but you need to address it head-on. She is entitled to her way of living — just as others are. You find it rude and sometimes mean to belittle people for having different views about relationships. Ask her to stop, especially with this impressionable young woman.

Harriette Cole is founder of an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. Send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com.