When my editors asked me to review the thrill rides at the Cullman County Fair, I couldn’t help but think one thing – this is my time to shine.

Usually, my youth and inexperience only account for an errant typo here or there. This task, however, required a youthful stomach to tolerate the otherwise intolerable and funnel-cake-and-fried-Oreo-sloshing shenanigans of fair rides. 

After all, youth and thrilling fair rides go hand-in-hand. The fairgrounds are one of the few places where kids can get away with anything a mother would usually consider a risk to personal safety. 

The 60th iteration of the Cullman County Fair has no want for thrilling rides. It has a daunting line-up of mechanized mayhem, guaranteed to wrench the stomachs of on-watching mothers as much as their kids actually on the rides. 

Here I’ll rate a few of them firsthand for would-be fair-goers. I’ll rate them from one to five stars (my editors wouldn’t let me use corndogs). Each star represents how thrilling the ride was, not necessarily the quality. 

The Matterhorn: 3 stars

The Matterhorn, a music express ride, is a recognizable staple of fairgrounds; however, its familiarity doesn’t make its jarring ride any less thrilling. The Matterhorn whisks riders forward and backward on its tracks while playing pop tunes.

 It’s comfortably thrilling, so long as a much larger person isn’t on the outside seat. 

The Power Surge: 4 stars

When I first laid eyes on The Power Surge, I couldn’t even begin to guess what directions it turned in. After riding it, I still can’t.

What I can say is that it spins. A lot. 

The Power Surge vertically lifts riders up on a rotating wheel while the seat they ride in spins on an axis as well. 

I said more than a few Hail Marys before I got off this nigh-literal wheel of fortune, but I did exit with a grin and wind-smeared hair.

Starship Area 51: 2 stars

I didn’t need to have a degree in physics to understand centrifugal force after I rode the Starship Area 51 ride at the Cullman County Fair. 

Another fairground staple, the Starship Area 51 doesn’t have belts to strap riders in or chairs to sit in. It uses gravity alone to buckle them in. 

The Starship whirls riders around at speeds that stick them to the walls of the machine. 

I can say this easily made me the dizziest out of all the rides at the fair, but it’s more of a neat science experiment than a thrill ride. 

The Fireball: 5 stars

The Fireball is the big kahuna at the Cullman County Fair. It’s reminiscent of the common pirate ship ride, but it’s got a little more sass than that. 

Along with swinging like the pendulum of Big Ben for minute, riders are also rotated like a top. 

What caught me off guard was the speed of the ride. It started off at a speed I’d expect some rides to peak at, but it got a whole lot faster.

If there’s only time to ride one thing at the Cullman County Fair, don’t skip out on The Fireball. 

Rockin’ Tug: 1 star

The Rockin’ Tug may have only received one star in the thrill category, but, if I was measuring charm, it would’ve taken home first place. 

At best the Rockin’ Tug is a good place to catch some breeze, and that’s exactly why it was so important to my day at the fair. 

If it hadn’t been for the Rockin’ Tug’s wide-swinging boat ride, I’m not sure I would’ve made it through the night. For that I salute this gyrating, but mostly gentle, boat. 

For younger kids, however, the Rockin’ Tug is probably a nice balance of thrill and fun. It has a forgiving height restriction, and it’s just fast enough to excite youngsters.