Amanda Shavers-Davis/The Cullman Times

Other than comics, there aren’t many sections in the paper that children find even mildly amusing.

They’re still years away from needing to keep up with the ups and downs of the stock market and all the stories about the “bad guys” in the crime beat probably give them nightmares.

Now, I personally don’t want that key demographic to believe The Times simply doesn’t care about the little rascals.

That’s why I went on a special mission to the fairgrounds, getting the scoop and compiling insider information on an aspect of the yearly event that kiddos are dying to know about. Sure, I could’ve chosen to investigate the easiest way to win a Justin Beiber poster or how to properly care for the handful of goldfish the kids are bound to walk out with, but there was one obvious topic that couldn’t be ignored — kiddy rides.

At 23, I’m obviously the newsroom employee least removed from my childhood days — sorry, Mr. Palmer — and therefore the most qualified to take on such a valuable task.

Qualifications aside, I’ll be the first to admit just how strange it might look for a year-removed-from-college sports writer to stroll through the kid-sized rides all by his lonesome — which is exactly why I didn’t take that route.

Instead, I picked a worthy sidekick — Lydia Wells, a 6-year-old elementary school student who had never been to the Cullman County Fair before — to serve as a more appropriate critic for the underaged masses. Donned in a bright pink dress with pink tie-dyed leggings and shiny, blinking shoes, let’s just say little Lydia had more than enough personality for the job.

With my ability to write and her ability to be a fun-loving kid who these rides are actually intended for, we set out to provide readers of all ages with a fair critique of almost all the kiddy rides – and a few adult ones, too – at the Cullman County Fair.

Enjoy the results. I know we did.

Merry-go-round

There was no better way to kick off an evening at the fair than by picking a pony and riding away in the wind — or around and around in circles, at least.

While I sat back, relaxed and enjoyed my trusty steed’s oh-so-natural gallop, my faithful partner Lydia couldn’t help but get fired up at her first action of the night, constantly yelling, “Oh yeah, baby.”

Dizzy Dragons

I knew they’d be there, but my hope of avoiding spinning rides at all costs quickly ended as Lydia led me to this wicked ride.

I did my best to spin the middle plate and get our dragon moving quicker, but that apparently was not the right move, seeing as the youngin’ screamed “Stop spinning!” and thought she would slide right on out of the ride.

Despite the early worries and the slight dizziness she experienced afterward, Lydia gave the Dizzy Dragons a critique I would continue to hear throughout the rest of the evening.

“I really, really liked it,” she said.

Orient Express

With all of its ups and downs, this ride was just big enough to make your stomach drop a bit while all of the twists and turns made it a scream-worthy experience for people of all ages.

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face during the six or seven short laps as Lydia held her hands up on each descent and through every gravity-defying turn.

If that wasn’t enough to show she enjoyed her stay on the Orient Express, her comments after surely didn’t hurt, either.

“That thing was awesome,” she said. “It went super fast. I loved it.”

Giggles Glasshouse

Taking a quick break from the rides, I followed Lydia through the simple glass maze. Although I didn’t find it too difficult myself, our young correspondent had a profound outlook at the glasshouse experience.

“It’s like a mystery,” she said. “You don’t know where you’re going.”

Mini tea cups

While I sat on the sideline because someone long ago decided a 6-foot, 200-pound man shouldn’t have access to all the rides at a fairground, Lydia had high expectations for the tea cups.

Midway through the ride, it was clear there was something she was perplexed by.

It didn’t take long to find out what was puzzling the child when she asked, “Will the tea kettle (in the middle of the platform) really put tea in my cup?”

Once I had to sadly reveal that would not be the case, she continued to have fun, saying she felt just like she was on a tea cup from Alice in Wonderland.

She also gave a helpful piece of advice to other children who will inevitably experience the ride. Instead of using a one-handed technique to spin the cups like she began with, Lydia suggested that a two-handed approach will increase the ride’s fun factor.

Raiders Jungle

There’s no way it could have been a fun night if the adult accompanying the child hadn’t gotten in a little bit of trouble at the fair.

After pushing through the punching bags, using all our energy to climb the rope ladder, navigating through the outstretched bungees and making our way down a short slide, Lydia and I came across two lengthy drawbridges.

As if they weren’t scary enough for a 6-year-old to traverse, I didn’t make them any easier, using my weight to shake the path — only to draw a warning from the carnival worker for jumping, a definite no-no for kids and adults alike.

Despite me being a meanie, Lydia had so much fun that she asked the ever-famous question you can never say no to — “Can I do it again?” — which I’m pretty sure is a child’s equivalent of a Roger Ebert two-thumbs-up review.