Editor’s note: The Times sent reporter Trent Moore to the annual Cullman County Fair to test and rate a variety of rides. Here are his observations with 5 being the best.



By Trent Moore

trentm@cullmantimes.com

It’s tough to beat a night at the fair.

There’s just something about the atmosphere: The sounds, the smells, the games, the lines, the food, the fun.

But, most importantly: The rides.

From tea cups to fun houses, to Gravitrons and spaceships — they all bring a little something to the table.

So, with that in mind, I set out on my quest to climb aboard and rate as many rides as my stomach and sense of vertigo would allow.

— I decided to start small, so I took to the line in front of 1001 Nights, which is the modern-day incarnation of the swinging pirate ship rides of olde. The Arabian-themed pirate vessel provided a nice start to the night, with a sprawling view of the fairgrounds and a bit of a rush to prepare my stomach for the jerks and yanks the remainder of the evening would soon deliver. 4.

— Up next was the Matterhorn, which is essentially a fast-moving mini-roller coaster with enough rattle to shake a few fillings loose. Once I was safely strapped in, the coaster sprung forward with a few lifts and turns, which were enjoyable enough. But, the real fun began when the cars lurched to a stop and begun speeding backwards — that is when things got interesting. Imagine driving a compact car with no shocks backwards at full speed through a parking lot littered with speed bumps, and then, maybe, you’ll have a good sense of what the Matterhorn is all about. This short jaunt provided the first of many cricks in my neck, and knots in my stomach. 3.

— The ride that at least looked the most exciting, the Power Surge, was next on my plan of attack. Functioning like a poor man’s Superman roller coaster, this ride looked to provided more than enough height, speed and spins. As it turned out, it also provided me some time to dangle idly and ponder how much it would hurt to fall to the ground from a fairly high distance. Approximately 20 seconds after starting up, the gears slumped to a slow, meandering stop. The lengthy break left me hanging upside down for about 10 minutes, 25 feet in the air, staring down at my potentially imminent death in the form of a gate and various small children. Once I had nearly given up hope of ever escaping my metal harness and black foam prison, the gears finally lowered me back to the welcoming ground. By now my stomach was shaken, not stirred. 1.5.

— Having narrowly escaped the clutches of the Power Surge, I decided to take a step back to a simpler time, via the Century Wheel. Sitting comfortably in my gondola, and feeling oddly out of place as the only person riding the ferris wheel solo, I took a few moments to relax and enjoy the soothing ‘80’s music being pumped through the loudspeakers. Good times. 3.

— With my stomach settled, I turned the heat up a small notch and went for a ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl. Even though it’s been around for decades, the old Tilt-A-Whirl still manages to offer a dash of timeless, spinny fun. Plus, when it really gets moving, it can bring the oomph. 4.

— I took a short break after riding the Tilt-A-Whirl, and gorged — I mean sampled — various fair foods (a.k.a. a lot of funnel cake), then headed toward my next conquest: The Spaceship 2000. Formerly known as the Gravitron, the Spaceship 2000 spins ridiculously fast, until all of the occupants are pinned up against the wall by the magic of gravity. If that isn’t disorienting enough, add in flashing disco lights and blaring techno music and you have a recipe for disaster. Needless to say, the funnel cake was a bad idea. 3.

— Next up: The Sizzler. The Sizzler can best be described as teacups on steroids, with little pods attached to poles that spin and jut out wildly into the air. I was hanging on by a seatbelt, thin metal bar and a prayer. It was a rush, to say the least, but it was not a great help to my digestive system, which was trying to tackle entirely too much funnel cake at the time. 4.

— I decided to end my night with something (that was supposed to be) simple: The Funhouse. I admit, I know the Funhouse is intended mostly for children, but, when your nauseous and dizzy it can be as rigorous as an Army-grade obstacle course. I was doing pretty well, right up until the end. The spinning cylinder exit proved nearly too much for my failing sense of balance, as I stumbled through the final few steps, and finally landed on the (thankfully) non-spinning grass. 3.

All in all it was a good night. The rides were a blast my funnel cake stayed down, and I was eventually able to stumble dizzily to my car.

Here’s to next year…