Mt. Olive Seniors by Dixie Kuykendall

The North Jefferson News



A very dear saint in our church is known for her ability to make positive comments about every facet of the Sunday service.

The church choir, however, consisting of members in their autumn years, had defied positive but truthful comment.

She finally solved the problem one Sunday morning. As the choir members filed from the choir loft, she leaned over and remarked, “Aren’t they walking well this morning?”

I recently joined the church senior choir.

I was encouraged by the seniors at the Mt. Olive Senior Center who never heard me sing, and I love it.

Nobody seems to notice that I can’t sing. As a matter of fact, our choir director — who is wonderful — says that “anybody can sing” and I took that to mean me, too.

I do, however, know some things you need to know before joining the choir:

• In most choirs, there are four voice parts — soprano, alto, tenor and bass. This determines where you sit in the choir. If, like me, you’re not sure, just take any empty seat.

• The sopranos are the ones who sing the highest, and because of this they think they rule the world. They consider themselves insulted if they are not allowed to go to a high “F” in every movement.

When they sing the high notes, they hold them for at least half as long as required, and then they complain that their throats are killing them

• The altos are the salt of the earth, in their opinion at least. Altos are in a unique position in the choir in that they are unable to complain about having to sing either very high or very low, and they know that all the others think their parts are easy, but the altos know otherwise.

They know that while the sopranos are screeching away on a high “A,” they are being forced to sing elaborate passages full of sharps and flats and tricks of rhythm, and nobody is noticing because the sopranos are singing too loud (and the basses are, too.)

Altos have an innate distrust of tenors, because the tenors sing in almost the same range and think they sound better.

• The tenors are spoiled. That’s all there is to it. For one thing, there are never enough of them. The choir director had rather sell his soul than let a halfway decent tenor quit, so it’s no wonder that the tenors get a little proud.

A little known fact — tenors move their eyebrows more than anyone else while singing.

• The basses sing the lowest of all. Basically, they are solid, dependable people. They feel unappreciated and have a deep conviction that they are actually the most important part. This is despite the fact that they have the most boring parts and often sing the same note for an entire page.

They make funny faces when trying to hit very low notes.

Somehow, someway – maybe through divine intervention — the Sunday morning senior choir at Mt. Olive First Baptist always sounds wonderful.