Commentary By Melanie Patterson

The North Jefferson News



What’s in a name?

Most people I know have many names. In the South, it seems necessary for every person to have at least one nickname, if not several.

Six-foot-six men who weigh 350 pounds are always nicknamed “Tiny.” Bald men are usually called “Curly.”

Nicknames can point out personality traits (a talkative person is called “Mouth of the South”); physical traits (a tall, slim person will certainly be called “Beanpole”); or even a job or trade (since I’m a reporter, my uncle calls me “Scoop” Patterson and a friend calls me “Journey,” short for journalist).

Another rich source for nicknames is the military.

As an Army Reservist, I attended the Defense Information School along with people from all five branches of service.

There, people in the Army were called “Grunts,” Marines were “Jarheads” (but never Soldiers), people in the Air Force were “Wing Nuts” or “Zoomies,” those in the Navy were “Squids,” and Coast Guard members were “Coasties.”

One of my friends installed telephone cable when she was in the Army, so she was a “Cable Dog.” An E-2, a low-ranking soldier, is called “Mosquito Wings,” because that’s what his insignia looks like. Navy construction crews are “Seabees.” An Army first sergeant is called “Top.”

Some nicknames are simply shortened versions of a person’s job title: “Doc,” “Preach,” “Teach” and “Sarge.”

There is also no lack of nicknames for children.

My favorite is one friend who’s babysitter called her “Lollapalooza.” Her real name is much easier to say, but “Lollapalooza” is the name the babysitter always yelled from the back door when it was lunchtime.

When I was 5 or 6 years old, my grandpa had cereal nicknames for his grandkids. I was “Froot Loop.” There was also a “Honeycomb” and a “Corn Flake” among us.

When my sister Laura was little, I called her “Bug,” her dad called her “Little Bit,” our Aunt Mae called her “Lolly,” Aunt Sherri called her “Sherri’s Brat,” Mom called her “Lulu” and our sister Becky called her “Lucy.”

I don’t think the kid knew her real name until she was 10.

Some nicknames are given out of convenience. When my unit was stationed in Bosnia, there were two of us Melanies, so one of my nicknames was “Patt,” (short for my last name). At 5-foot-4, I was also called “Little Sarge,” while the other Melanie, 6 feet tall, was “Big Sarge.”

Most nicknames are given out of affection, so try not to be insulted if people call you by something other than the name your mother gave you. It’s almost certainly because they like you, and maybe even love you.

Take it from me, Melanie “Mel, Patt, Little Sarge, Froot Loop, Journey, Scoop” Patterson.